you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
