i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
