I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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