so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
