Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
