she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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