When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
