nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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