Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
