i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize