I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
