When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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