The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
