I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
