you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
two words: eviction party
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
