I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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