the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
