All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
