And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize