I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
