Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
