He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize