very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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