I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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