I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Someone signed my nipple.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
