Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
