he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
