It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
