we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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