cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
