I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i dont even know how to be here
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
