All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
