I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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