He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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