i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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