i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dignity is for republicans.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
