Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
