IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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