if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
