I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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