I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
