Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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