We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
