I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
