If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You did what with his pubic hair?
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