It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize