So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
