I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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