Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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