i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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