my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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