you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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