If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
