I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
