Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
