My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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