He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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