It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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