Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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