i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
