If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
