Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
