i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
