The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
