You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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