...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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