dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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