fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think a kid would responsible me up
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize