Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
