He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
