you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
